“What do you mean they just flew in from Nevada? They were just at the house last night from the fights. How the hell did they pull that off. It doesn’t make any sense?” Money Lancaster can be heard on his old school Rolodex corded landline. Sitting upon his ancient mahogany table perfectly glazed. Gold poured beneath to outline the fiery nature of the woods texturing. “No, I’m not mistaken it’s impossible. If I’m good at one thing. One thing in all the universe it’s simple arithmetic. No, I’ve done the math it doesn’t add up…”


He sits in his black leather chair, swayed with matching true gold trim. His mustache scratching across the plastic phones surface. “You said they had some sort of young girl with them? Like underage? How old?… You don’t know? Why didn’t you ID her?… you didn’t think to? God damnit, you’re supposed to keep the kid out of trouble. This is trouble of the highest order. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I don’t need this in the family. I’ve got too much going on right now!” He screams as he slams the phone.

“Damn that boy! If he’s stooped so low to have forgotten the golden rules I’ll kill him myself!” With that he kicks out from the desk, nocking the chair over and in one motion pulling his suit jacket onto the suspenders and blazer her was previously only wearing. Fixing his collar and adjusting his monocle he clears his throat “Joe Joe, we’re leaving. Bring the axe and hammer.”

Joe Joe looks at him blue in the face. Gulps.

“Yes, temper that innocent heart of yours we’re going to deliver some divine retribution.”


———————-

Joe Joe sits across from money in the back of an old limo money has used for over two decades now. The interior is impeccable. The exterior not so much. He’s a man of juxtapositions. Oxymorons and hypocrisies. A showman and a swindler. Hustler to the end. He never skips a beat because he’s already two steps ahead. But this, this has caught him completely off guard. Not since that last day at the Oasis did his progeny outpace him like this. Surprise him so utterly. Bewilder him so completely confound him.

How can one be seen entering their home at 5pm yesterday and be found having returned from a “day” in Las Vegas not 12 hours later? They didn’t even have the proper flights booked. He’d had his men check the manifests. They didn’t take a private plane. Short of teleporting there and back it would be impossible to pull off without anyone seeing them leave the house. Much less just magically reappear in an airport out of thin air the next morning.

No, this smelt of something else. It smelt of meddling. It smelt of a charade. A scheme. A swindle. You can’t swindle a swindler. He knew something was up. He felt it in his gut. He could see it with his eyes. He knew something was a miss. He only had to figure out if it was a cover to hide an unforgivable sin or if it was a set up to deface the Lancaster house. Either way the boy would have to answer for being a piece in all this. One way or the other.

—————

The door flew open with a bang from senior progeny one Money Dime Lancaster. Bellowing from within the deepest depths of his being “Boy!”

The crew all still stood in Corin’s room. Nora had only just screamed from the light. Now she ran back behind them all hearing the man’s raging roar from downstairs.

Everyone turned bluish grey hue and Tye gulped a sort of swallow a son takes knowing what’s coming from a vengeful father.

“Were are you?!” Money screams.

“Fuck me! He’s gonna kill me… I don’t know what I did?” Tye is freaking out. He’s counting his fingers and pacing back and forth sweating bullets. “Did he finally find out I gave his favorite white lion skin carpet away to a xmas charity raffle last year? Did he see I stole two gold bars out of his safe last week? Did he finally notice that stain I made on his mahogany table with the ink pen he keeps on there? I hid it under the stupid notebook he keeps there. I know he never uses it. It’s just for show. Why is it there? It never moves… It’s been ten years!” Tye is really at his wits end. He’s pretty sure he’s breathing his last breaths. “You gotta hide me. Or by me some time. I promise if you’re alive after all this I’ll make sure grandma takes care of you.”

The rest of the gang stand in solemn silence. They’ve only ever seen Money like this a few times during the trip and those few times left quite the impression on them. Once was when a pirate had swindled money out of a deal in Somalia. Money had just walked off into the bush and returned the next morning covered in soot and ash. He had burned the pirates village to the ground that night. All by himself.

“Tye, don’t worry I’m sure it’s a mistake.” Locke tries to sooth Tye. It’s not landing.

“It doesn’t matter if he’s mistaken he’s pretty fucking pissed right now.” Tye complains

“I’ve never known money to hit you or anything.” Corin recalls trying to add in.

“Tye come down to me right now! Do not make Joe Joe carry the axe and hammer up to stairs for me to meet you!” Money calls out from the living room.

“Oh my god you’re gonna die. I think we’re about to die.” Corin starts to freak out. Hands in hair pacing back and forth. “It’s not fair I’ve just started a brand new phase of my life.”

“Fuck you, I’ve still got to beat my game and go to my first college class!” Tye cuts her off.

“I have yet to finish the third chapter of my book.” Locke chips in.

The three of them look at Locke flatly. Bent motions with his hands.

“I know I haven’t finished chapters one and two yet either but three is my favorite so far.” Locke finishes.

“Ten!” Money begins to count.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” Tye screams.

“Nine!”

“Who is this person and why are you all so afraid of him? I’ve seen you all fight. It’s four against two you should be able to take him.” Nora asks. She stands behind them all against the back wall but as far away from Corin as possible.

“I told you already. My father is the devil and right now the devil is standing in my living room with his henchman holding the tools of my families excommunicate ritual. Where they take an axe and cut your thumbs off both hands and rip out your eyeballs and smash it with a hammer.”

“What?!” Nora screams

“I know that’s what the legends say. I’ve never seen it happen or heard of it happening but fuck me that’s the story he told me if I ever truly fucked up. Oh my god. I’m gonna die.” Tye passes out and transforms into a girl.


“8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1. “ Money screams then dashes up the stairs runs into the room and stands before them. Axe in hand. He’d taken it from Joe Joe as he dashed foreword. His 1920’s tycoon outfit would seem so flabbergasted by the motions he made. A heroes or villains stance in action.

Though he held the axe with two fingers at the very bottom. I say ax but I’ve meant tomahawk.

“Were is he!?” Money demands.

Everyone turns to Tye who’s a girl right now lying on the floor.

“Were is Tye?” Money states. “Whose this chick? She’s beautiful but she isn’t Tye. Is that the girl you guys picked up the other night and paraded around town with?” Money asks shaking the ax in Nora’s direction.

Nora is incredibly afraid. Back against the wall. Unable to speak. Wide eyed.

Locke looks to Nora and suddenly realizes the situation.

“Oh my god! No, Mr. Money Lancaster. We did not just pick up some teenage girl and bring her home. We’ve got an explanation for this.” Locke insists.

“You fucking better have a really good explanation because I’ve got little birds who chirp and they told me they saw you all and her and my boy Tye shit faced in a public setting. An airport? Am I saying this right?” Money demands.

“Yes. But, let me speak. It was the government.” Locke states.

Corin puts her hand to her face. Like that’s gonna work. Brent just lowers his shoulders understanding their demise.

“The government?” Money flinches. “Wait… right now? Is she the government or is the government watching us right now? Cuz I didn’t see anybody bugging the place I already bugged the place myself.” Money states.

“Gross!” Corin shoots out.

“Who’s that? She’s pretty. You boys are getting girl sick. Delusional. You gotta make sure they’re of age.” Money’s face is turning red he’s so mad. “The government just wants anything they can get on me an my boys and the family in general. We can’t be handing them our balls on a silver platter.”

“Money, Tye isn’t here. He is out. This girl here. Her name is Nora and she’s an illegal immigrant who asked us to shelter her. Since Corin is half Mexican we felt it was proper to shelter her.” Locke lies and gulps.


“You better come up with a better lie than that boy or I’ll fucking gut you in this room right here and now.” Money states then turns to Joe Joe. “Tye isn’t here call in the rest of them. I didn’t realize it was just his crew. Have them handle them.”

He turns his head to them. “I don’t believe for a second that she ain’t illegal. She is coming with me and you all are coming with my friends until I get to talk to my son.”

“The government grabbed us and drugged us up! We just came too in the middle of the airport. We don’t know what the hell is going on.” Locke desperately tries to plead.

“Even if that were true it’s still a problem I need to solve right fuckin now. So you’re all coming with my boys downtown. I hope you like the smell of fish cause we’re going to the docks.” Money states.

“Under the bridge?” Corin asks as she shakes.

“Under the bridge.” Money replies.


The bridge is a major attraction for the city but the base of it is where the city flushes its toilets to before it’s dumped into the river/harbor. So it’s not very visited and it’s not a place you go swimming or fishing. He said fish because there are girls around.

Obstacle Four. Fish